Bijou’s Beauty Bar

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she took one look at me and said I'd been wearing the wrong red my whole life 💄

the one she threw over her shoulder is still on the floor. she has not looked for it.

what colour is she putting you in?

#persiancat #cuteanimals #beautytok #fluffy #catsofinstagram #bijoubeautybar

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she calls them "load-bearing" and after seeing the blink I'm inclined to agree 👁️

the tongue comes out during application. every time. she does not know she does it.

lashes: yes or absolutely not?

#persiancat #beautytok #cuteanimals #fluffy #catsofinstagram #bijoubeautybar

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asked her for the actual secret and she said "fourteen hours of sleep" ☕

then she poured me one and told me to sit down. so I sat down.

save this for your next long day

#persiancat #cozy #cuteanimals #fluffy #catsofinstagram #bijoubeautybar

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she does a free advice segment now. nobody asked. that has never stopped her 💅

"a man who wants to find you, finds you" — the counter has spoken

what should she answer next week?

#persiancat #datingadvice #cuteanimals #beautytok #catsofinstagram #bijoubeautybar

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storytime: the scratching post incident 🎀

she has forgiven him. she brings it up weekly, but she has forgiven him.

what's the worst gift you've ever received?

#persiancat #storytime #funnyanimals #catsofinstagram #beautytok #bijoubeautybar

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she joined the apps for research purposes. the research is not going well 📱

"nobody fluent in sarcasm announces it" — swipe education, free of charge

what's the worst bio line you've ever seen?

#persiancat #datingapps #funnyanimals #catsofinstagram #beautytok #bijoubeautybar

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she moved one lamp two inches and I saw my own cheekbones for the first time 💡

"you're not unphotogenic, darling. you're badly lit." — the counter's official position

who's the worst photographer in your life? tag them. gently.

#persiancat #beautytok #cuteanimals #fluffy #catsofinstagram #bijoubeautybar

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someone called her sarcastic. she has entered a correction into the record 📋

"sarcasm is free. the truth I charge for." (Monsieur Puff agrees. Monsieur Puff always agrees.)

is she sarcastic or accurate? wrong answers only

#persiancat #funnyanimals #cuteanimals #beautytok #catsofinstagram #bijoubeautybar

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"just a trim" and then a photo of someone else's face. she needs a minute ✂️

"this is a beauty counter, not witness protection" — she has been saying it since

what did you ask for vs what you showed them?

#persiancat #salonlife #funnyanimals #cuteanimals #catsofinstagram #bijoubeautybar

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storytime: he ran for the bus. bag flapping. she witnessed it 🚌

"the ick isn't cruel, darling. it's just information." — the kindest thing she has ever said

what gave you the ick? no judgement. some judgement.

#persiancat #theick #funnyanimals #cuteanimals #catsofinstagram #bijoubeautybar

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six months, no title. she checked whether her perfume had a name. it did 🏷️

"ask him what you are. watch him buffer." — free advice, as always, unrequested

how long is too long without a name?

#persiancat #situationship #datingadvice #cuteanimals #catsofinstagram #bijoubeautybar

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the ex is doing great, apparently. he told everyone. twice 📣

she, meanwhile, said nothing. she would like it noted that she said nothing.

is "I'm doing great" ever true when announced?

#persiancat #storytime #funnyanimals #cuteanimals #catsofinstagram #bijoubeautybar

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three days of silence and then... "hey" 📱

"'hey' is not a message, darling. it's a pulse check." — the phone stayed face-down

what's the worst text you've ever received? one word answers welcome

#persiancat #datingadvice #funnyanimals #cuteanimals #catsofinstagram #bijoubeautybar

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she has reviewed the group chat's verdict and overturned it 👩‍⚖️

"twelve women, one screenshot, zero context. guilty." — court is now in session at the counter

what did the group chat get wrong?

#persiancat #girltalk #funnyanimals #cuteanimals #catsofinstagram #bijoubeautybar

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a red flag and the wrong red, diagnosed in one breath. Monsieur Puff was the swatch 🚩

"he doesn't do labels. he does, darling. it's 'unavailable.'"

what's your favourite red flag that everyone ignores?

#persiancat #redflags #beautytok #cuteanimals #catsofinstagram #bijoubeautybar

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he's a ten, she was told. she did the subtraction out loud 🧮

minus the phone face-down. minus "my ex was crazy". minus the wallet he "forgot". round him down.

what's your minus one?

#persiancat #datingadvice #funnyanimals #cuteanimals #catsofinstagram #bijoubeautybar